ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!

That is all I have to say right now about things. This week I have had a sinus headache from you know where. It has been awful. I can barely function. Anyhow, my house is a disaster area and my dad is coming tomorrow to visit. I have to get this place picked up. No one but me knows how to load the dishwasher or clean the toothpaste gunk out of the sink or pick up their dirty clothes or vacuum. It is disgraceful.

I was never told that motherhood means your life as you know it is over. You never get a moment to yourself. You never get to finish reading a sentence without an interruption. You never get to think a coherent sentence without someone needing you for something. I just want to go to the bathroom by myself and sit there for a minute. Just sit there, I don't want to think about what I need to do next, I don't want to think about problems, I just want to sit there. Really, honestly, truthfully, I am tired of being needed. I want to be NOT needed. I need to know that my husband appreciates me. I need to know that he appreciates me making lunches for him and raising his child. I NEED WORDS OF AFFIRMATION and I need them now or I am going to lose my mind.

So yes, this may be scary to some new moms but really it is the truth. I really do understand sometimes why women want to go to work. I really do. I know some of it is for money but you know what they get to go to work and have adult conversations, they probably have an office to themselves or even a cubicle, they have the quiet. Shoot, they even get to go to the potty by themselves without a little voice attached to a body going: "Mom, what you doing?" My classic Response: "ummm....hello....what do you think I am doing?"

Yes, I got my haircut today but I had to take Leesha with me. Thank goodness, they put Blues Clues in for her which helped her stay still but even then she was bored very quickly. The whole entire time my hair is getting the cut the hair stylist is dealing with her 21 year old daughter who is crying in the next chair over. I am sorry to be uncompassionate. I really just wanted my hair cut but instead I got a haircut, got to listen to someone else's problems and how they had all gone out last night drinking. Yep, that was the professional conversation I got. I kept directing Leesha back to Blues Clues because I didn't want her to hear this stuff. I probably should have just gotten up and left but by the time all that started she had already made her first cut and I would have looked like an idiot.

So anyway, I really do love being a Mom, I really do. But there are bad days and I am human. Today is a bad day. I just want the cleaning fairies to show up. Oh well, I am 32 years old and they haven't showed up yet. And they never will! Time to put on my big girl panties and get on over this bridge!