I just had an epiphany!!! OH MY!!!

ummm...still trying to process whether this is good or bad. I am a FIRST BORN discouraged perfectionist. I am reading "The Birth Order Book" by Dr. Kevin Leman. Well, let me just tell you something. It is scary reading about yourself in a book. This man knows me! I swear he is in my house and in my head. Dr. Leman, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! Believe me, there is not enough room in there for you.

Okay, is this not me?

This is all taken from the above mentioned book. My comments will be in red. Dr. Leman's will be in Blue. I was going to go green but umm...nope, too Christmasy!!

Here are the Typical traits, strengths and weaknesses of a First Born:

Leadership Ability (trait) Strength - Take charge, know what to do Weakness - May undermine the initiative of those who lean on them too much or may come off as too overbearing or agressive.

ummmm....yep, how many times have I been accused of wanting to take over? Too many to count. How many times have I been accused of being bossy? Way too many to count mostly by my younger siblings. LOL! This is something I feel I have changed an awful lot in the past three years. Sometimes I just really want to help so bad that I come across as agressive and overbearing. That is another thing I have been working on as well. I need to learn to just let people handle things themselves and if they want help; they can come and ask me help.

Aggressive - Strength - Command respect; others want to follow their unflinching leadership. Weakness - Can run roughshod over others; may be insensitive and tend to be selfish; too focused on the goal and not enough on the feelings of others.

This one is sooooo not me. I don't think I command respect from others at all. I can definitely be a leader but I am very conscious of other people's feelings. In fact, I am probably way too conscious of other people's feelings. I can be selfish in some things though another thing that I am working on. I am way more focused on the feelings of others than the goal but I also am able to put those feelings aside most of the time to achieve those goals.

Complaint - Strength - Cooperative, easy to work with, good team player Weakness - Can be taken advantage of, bullied or bluffed.

ummmm....yep.....all of those things. Especially the bluffed part. Yep, that has happened to me.

Perfectionistic - Strength - Always do things right and leave no stone unturned to do a thorough job - Weakness - Tend to criticize them/or others too much, never satisfied, may procrastinate because they fear they "cannot do a good enough job."

OH MY WORD!!! That is ME!!! I procrastinate so much! I am so hard on myself. Much harder on myself than anyone else is. My expectation are high for others especially my daughter and my husband. ACK ACK ACK!!! Yipes.

Organized - Strength - Have everything under control; always on top of things; tend to be on time and on schedule Weakness - May worry to much about order, process, and rules and not be flexible when it's needed; may show real impatience with anyone is "disorganized" or not as meticulous, can be upset by surprises.

Well, I never have things under control and I am sooo not organized. Well, I have piles and know exactly what is in every single one of them. I do tend to be on time or I did until I had a child who never wears clothing. I am a schedule person that is for sure but I also enjoy throwing the schedule to the wind and being spontaneous. I do like surprises though. See, I think this one goes back to the "discouraged perfectionist."

Driver - Strength - ambitious, enterprising, energetic, willing to sacrifice to be a success Weakness - Put themselves or those they work with under too much stress and pressure.

Oh Yipes, again. That is so me!! There was a point in time I was willing to sacrifice my family to be successful at becoming a nurse. That is what college was for me. I had to finish college because that is what my parents and family considered successful. I had to do it so they would be proud of me or so I thought. But I was losing my husband and my daughter was being raised by a day care provider that to me was not success. For a long time, I considered myself a failure because I could not juggle college and family. Shoot, my Mom juggled college, home schooling, and working part time, as well as being a Pastor's wife and wife. hmmm....now you see where my discouraged perfectionist comes in again. There is no way I could do all that at one time. It is just way too overwhelming to me. All I have ever wanted to be was a successful wife and mother. Honestly, I don't know that I will ever be that but I sure will try and trust that God will grant the desires of my heart.

Anyway, the rest of the traits are List Maker, Logical, and Scholarly. Yeppers, those three are all me. I just can't function without my lists. Logical - well I can be but I tend to rely on my "gut instinct" on a lot of things. Scholarly - SOOOOO MEEEEEE!! I am a voracious reader. In fact, I can get absolutely lost in a book and forget that I have a child. Yes, those are the times she does something outrageous and I climb out of the pages of my book to find my child has cut her hair for the 8th time or she has decided the cat is hot and put him in the freezer or she had decided that she and the cat are hungry and has made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and while she was at it she fed the cat peanut butter. Now that lends itself to quite a ton of hilarity but goodness me! I have to watch what I read when she is up.

I also can research something to death. This can tend to drive Brian up the wall. For Christmas, he and I wanted to get Leesha something that she could take with her on car trips, in restaurants, and Dr's office, and other places we ended up having to wait for awhile. We wanted it to be something beside movies so we decided to research the Leapster and the V-smile pocket thing. I wanted it to be something that was fun but also educational. I didn't want it to be shoot em up, blood and guts everywhere. I just can't stand that stuff. Brian thinks it is no big deal. Anyway, I researched these things to death. I could tell you exactly what people had said in their reviews and I wanted him to look at the research I had done. Now I had already made up my mind what I wanted her to have but I was so frustrated with him because he was standing in the aisles of the stores comparing the both of the items. ummm...that is the whole reason I told him about all the research I had done and even showed him places that I had done the research so he could read about it. Did he? Nope, not at all! Did we end up getting the one I thought would be best for Leesha? Yes, we did but I felt like he hadn't cared enough to care about my research. LOL!! ummm....yeah, that would be the trait of a first born married to the middle child. How many hours of research did I do? ummm....I will never tell. You already know I am crazy why give you proof.

Let's just say: It isn't nearly the amount of research I have done about home schooling curriculum. But that is a whole 'nother post!